“I’m 28 and a virgin at sex, dating, etc. Any advice for dating?”

There are so many “Dating 101” type lectures available nowadays, aiming to prepare you for the dating world. Most of what I see focuses on sexist bullshit or “chivalry.” Here are a few things I think are universally important.

For starters, be kind to yourself. Whatever you’re feeling regarding meeting new people, romantic or otherwise, is valid. It’s okay to be nervous! My suggestion? Try to pinpoint what you’re feeling. For example, “I’m feeling *anxious* about this date tonight.” Cool. Now introspect (eg. “what old memories associated with this feeling are being triggered?” “are my feelings distorting my perception/expectations?”).

Next, reflect on what your goal is (maybe you don’t know. That’s okay too. Keep in mind that may inform your decision-making). If you do know, great. These first two steps are about being aware of yourself, what you’re feeling and how to manage your feelings – skills that will benefit all aspects of your life.

Another important piece is setting boundaries. Discuss with yourself what your hard boundaries are, definite no’s. And then, what your soft boundaries are, things that you may determine based on the situation. For many women, setting boundaries can be difficult because we have been told we need to be available to everyone at all times and it’s impolite to say “no.” But fuck that noise.

The last thing I’ll mention is safety, specifically, if you decide to go meet someone in person. Always send a friend the person’s name, number and the address where you’ll be meeting.

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@RaquelSavage
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Raquel Savage is a Board Certified Sex Therapist who holds a Bachelor’s in Communication, a board certification in Human Sexuality and a Master’s in Counseling. Savage is dedicated to educating the masses on a variety of topics including but not limited to: sex, intimacy and sexuality. Savage also provides one-on-one and couple’s Sex Coaching – an informal style of counseling focused on building sex-positive attitudes. For more information and to contact Raquel Savage visit: www.RaquelSavage.com