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Quite a few of you asked about pain related to experiencing vaginal penetration for the first time. Many cisgender women, virgins or otherwise, experience pain during penetration. This is absolutely not exclusive to people who have never done penetrative activities (“virgins”) or straight women. The general issue in terms of discomfort, after ruling out medical issues (eg. vaginismus), is typically related to lack of arousal.

It is a misconception that the first time you experience vaginal penetration it *has* to be painful. This conversation overlooks the anatomy of vaginas and the way in which most people, cishet couples specifically, engage in sex (i.e. not enough focus on foreplay). In terms of anatomy, the more aroused a vagina is, the easier it can accommodate penetrative activities. Imagine the vaginal canal like a balloon – the more aroused, the more it expands in width and depth.

This is why, when I hear men discuss “tight” vaginas I cringe. An average unaroused vagina is about 2-3 inches, while an average aroused vagina is around 4-6 inches. Space alone, or lack thereof, contributes to discomfort. Additionally, the more aroused, the more lubrication.

Unfortunately, women are taught that we’re supposed to walk around with dripping wet pussies. Besides that being unrealistic, some women, even when fully aroused, don’t produce a lot of lubrication. This is why I encourage folks to unpack their relationship with the idea of having the “wettest pussy” and go buy some lube! Lube is an amazing addition to sex, in general.

With all of that said, whether you’re experiencing penetrative sex for the first time or you’re a vet in the game, take your time! Do LOTS of foreplay; ideally, foreplay that doesn’t involve your pussy. Add lube into the equation, have fun and get to penetrating!

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@RaquelSavage
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Raquel Savage is a Board Certified Sex Therapist who holds a Bachelor’s in Communication, a board certification in Human Sexuality and a Master’s in Counseling. Savage is dedicated to educating the masses on a variety of topics including but not limited to: sex, intimacy and sexuality. Savage also provides one-on-one and couple’s Sex Coaching – an informal style of counseling focused on building sex-positive attitudes. For more information and to contact Raquel Savage visit: www.RaquelSavage.com